Thursday, October 14, 2010

16 & Pregnant

Have you ever seen the show 16 & Pregnant?  I have watched a few episodes and while I was doped up after a dentist appointment today and home alone, I watched one.  In it the girl was having issues with her boyfriend, the babies father.  He was feeling like he was being held back and like he was sacrificing everything for her.  This kind of brought back memories of when I was in high school and pregnant with my oldest son, Tristan.  When I told his dad that I was pregnant, the first thing he did was suggest an abortion.  I couldn’t do that as I have very strong feelings about that.  I told him that I would give the baby up for adoption if he really wanted me to.  He said no.  I wonder now if he felt like I held him back.  That night, when I told him about the pregnancy for the first time, I also gave him the opportunity to walk away.  I told him that I wouldn’t hold it against him and that I could raise the baby on my own if he didn’t want to be a part of it’s life.  When he said he wanted to be there, I never considered that maybe he had just said that.  Having a baby in high school is hard.  I had a lot of support from my in-laws but it was still hard.

I had Tristan in May of my senior year.  I was lucky enough to be doing running start (going to college and getting credit for high school and college at the same time).  Also, my mother in law worked at the high school that I attended so she helped me with Tristan when I had my high school classes.  I even had one teacher that would let me bring Tristan with me to class.  I graduated with my class, had the whole ceremony and everything.   I am proud of myself for completing high school but I was so focused on taking care of Tristan and graduating, I never thought of how his dad was effected by it all. 

It doesn’t really matter now, it is all done and over.  We got married in March of my senior year and divorced after almost 12 years.  I realize I wouldn’t change most of it cause if I did I wouldn’t have my kids.  I also realize now that if I had been smart I would have done things differently.  

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